Barking 101 - How to Have Successful Barkoffs at Night

Barking 101 - How to Have Successful Barkoffs at Night.
Ruff! Ruff! Hello, my fluffy pack! Recently I shared my revenge plan to get mommy back for betraying me. In there I talked about how I arranged barkoffs at night in order to turn mommy into a zombie.

For those who don't know, barkoffs are barking competitions where doggies in the neighborhood compete to see who has the best bark. I thought I'd share some tips for those doggies interested.

Why have barkoffs?

Some may wonder why have barkoffs? Well, for me it was to get revenge on my human Renza.

Our humans are very naughty sometimes and they keep blaming us for unnecessary things like destroying shoes. They have enough!

It's a perfect payback strategy for all the times they ate in front of us or wouldn't allow us on the comfy couch. For all the times we were yelled at for eating their precious furniture, clothes, and cars.

Yes! I ate mommy's car. So what?! I was teething. I ate all my toys and the car was conveniently there. It's Renza's own fault for not providing me with proper chew toys. Anyway, barkoffs are payback for everything!

Barking 101 - Fluffy eating blue car.

They think they rule us, but we need to show them we're in charge. Barkoffs are not just to show off your barking skills but to show your human if they mess with you, they'll become the walking dead. I mean zombies. You know, humans that don't sleep. Geez! No one is getting murdered!

Here are some barking competition tips.

Ways to have a successful barking competition

1. Must be at night

The best time to hold a barkoff is at night. Why? Because our humans are asleep then. Durr! So far none of them has gotten up to make sure their doggies stop barking. That means it's the best time.

They are comfy in their warm beds and when the human is half asleep they won't get up for anything. You can try during the day but it's historically known as a bad time.

2. Make sure your human is asleep first

Test bark first before you go all out. If your human does not attempt to quiet you then they are asleep. That's when you can start signaling to the rest of the dogs in the neighborhood to check if they are ready.

Barking 101 - Fluffy and Buffy inviting dog to barkoff night.
Inviting the grumpy evil neighbor to barkoff night
Worst case scenario, your human gets up and starts yelling at you to keep quiet. You're on your own then. Try sad eyes if you're in too much trouble. Goodluck!

3. Perfect your barking skills

Remember this is about winning. If you have a lame bark then don't even try to join in. Snowy has a one tone bark. He is a perfect example of a dog that should stay far away from barking competitions.

I'm not sure who taught him this important skill but they did a very bad job. Buffy has 10 or more different barking sounds. It's impressive! He taught me the howl-bark and I use that when I battle in barkoffs.

Buff joined the other day for the first time and it went on the whole night as other dogs tried to outperform him. I'm always competing so that means I'm ranked on top in the neighborhood. Buff just won that one night.

Practice your barking skills every day. Try different tones. Don't be a one-toner otherwise you'll lose rank and status.

Oh, update on Snowy! He is now a master hole digger and escape artist. Guess he was ready to upgrade from his watering everything skills.

Mommy wants him back with us, but it's not up to her. Too bad mommy! Your precious Snow-snow has his own home and human. Move on already!

4. Don't bark alone

I hear some doggies barking alone after everyone has stopped. It's over! Accept defeat and go sleep! Geez! No one cares!

Don't be that dog! Best to do it in groups then you won't get into trouble. You just blame the other dogs. Like yawning, barking is contagious for dogs. At least your human must continue to believe that.

5. Get enough sleep

If you're planning a barkoff, get enough sleep during the day. If you don't, you'll be the one that will feel like a zombie.

Zombie-dog is not a title you want to have. Sure you'll be feared, but you'll get fewer cuddles and tummy rubs because everyone is very protective of their brains.

Buffy and Fluffy
Letting mommy know she can forget about sleep

Hope that was helpful my fluffy pack. Remember to practice your bark regulatory or else you'll get crushed by the competition.

In the beginning, I made that mistake, but then I started barking at the school children and that significantly improved my bark.

Got to go now. I just heard a car pull up. Great time to show visitors my barking skills and my fluffy dance. Buff already alerted mommy to come out with his visitor's bark.

Soon they'll look scared of all our fluff and cry like babies because humans are that crazy. Don't worry! They'll soon be mesmerized by me and my special skills!

If not, I'll have to use my trip skill on them. Hug their ankles very tight and watch them trip and cry for real. Bwahahaha! What?! Too evil?

Ruff! Ruff!

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Barking 101 - How to Have Successful Barkoffs at Night.

Author: Fluffy
Job: Doing puppy work, part-time blogger, a world leader in training.
Future plans: World domination
Likes: Biting hands, destroying everything in sight, playing, stalking, digging, cuddles and tummy rubs.
Dislikes: Baths, self-cloning Needleman and not getting my way.

Pic credit: Pics of Buffy and Fluffy that Renza edited.

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