7 Survival Tips When Your Human Is Cuckoo

7 Survival Tips When Your Human Is Cuckoo
Woof! Hello you guys! So mommy Renza finally caved thanks to all the humans that liked my last post Writer's block, about the topics I wanted to write about.

Thank you guys for convincing her. Woof!

It’s hard being a pet in today’s world. Mostly because it's run by humans or at least they think they run the world.

To survive you need some special skills, especially those pets that have a crazy human.

I’m so sorry you guys, I feel your annoyance for them. I love my Renza, but sometimes...Grrr!!

Survival tips when your human is crazy

1. Ignore

When they start with the crazy talk, just look in another direction. Don’t make eye contact! Their feelings will be hurt, but they need to learn you are not a baby.

Buffy pretending to sleep
Me pretending to sleep

2. Garbage bin raid

This is when they throw away those delicious scraps like yummy bones that we're not supposed to eat because apparently a dog with a bone saying is total nonsense.

You either need to wait until they're distracted or pretend that you’re sleeping so that they don’t pay much attention to you, then go on a garbage bin raid. The garbage will be in the kitchen until the end of the day.

Once they take the garbage out to the big bin outside, then you will have to wait until the next day. So make it count!

Be very quiet. It’s all about stealth here. Get the bone or whatever scraps you find in the bin and get out!

3. Hiding

Be good at hiding. Go hide under the human’s car or bed. It will be hard for them to get you out of there.

One more thing you guys, please don’t fall for the food trick. That's when they bribe you with food so that you can come out of your hiding spot.

I fell for that one in the beginning. Never again! Grrr!

4. Toy hostage exchange

If your human hides your toys, then as soon as they take the toys out again, go and hide them in a safe place. It’s yours, not theirs.

Treat it like a hostage exchange. You do something for them if they do something for you.

First, make sure they take the toy out of its hiding spot. A good way to get them to take the toys out is for you to start chewing on random things around the house.

That way they’ll give you your toys back and in return, you don’t destroy their stuff.

5. Staring at the human and being cute

If you want to get away with what they call 'bad behavior', you need to be super cute. Go rub against them and lick them.

Stare into their eyes if you must. I find staring into Renza’s eyes super effective. Apparently, these humans become suckers when we stare at them.

6. Speed

You need to be very fast. Make sure you practice every day to improve your agility. Chase birds or whatever is smaller than you.

It will keep you fit and you’ll be fast enough to escape if the human wants to wash or groom you. Speed is also important when you raid the bins and when you need to keep them from taking your stuff.

I’m faster than mommy. It's really funny how she can’t catch me.

7. Learn their language

It's important to understand what your human is saying. When I hear the words water, leash, shampoo, wash and brush then I go hide.

Renza whispers, but I have superior hearing. Keep your ears open!
I hope these survival tips are helpful. These humans are easy to control, so don't forget how powerful you are.

Mommy Renza is on to me, you guys. She says I’m a mind reader and I make her act crazy. Don't worry! I just stare into her eyes, and then she forgets.

Woof!! Woof!!

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7 Survival Tips When Your Human Is Cuckoo.

Author: Buffy
Job: Guard dog, part-time blogger, Alpha dog, part-time chef
Future plans: Be the cuddliest dog in the whole wide world
Likes: Playing, eating and sleeping
Dislikes: Grooming and food thieves

Pic credit: Pics of Buffy taken by Renza. Pixabay pics Renza edited.

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