The Art of Hiding From Your Human - Buffy's Dog Tips

The Art of Hiding From Your Human - Buffy Dog Tips - dog hiding.

Woof! Woof! Hello you guys! Hiding from your human is a necessary skill that all dogs should have. If you have not mastered the art of hiding then don't worry. I have 9 years of experience in dodging humans.That means I'm an expert hider.

My loyal followers should know by now that I'm a bit of an introvert like mommy and we love spending time alone. Making myself invisible comes naturally even though it's hard to miss a big ball of white fluff(me).

That's one of the reasons why I hate baths. The cleaner I am, the more visible I become. But there are different reasons why doggies hide. Not all dogs are reclusive like me.

Why do dogs hide?


Well, 90% of the time dogs hide is because of humans. You see, the problem with humans is that they can be super annoying.

There's constant baths, grooming, Needleman visits, meds to swallow and a lot of other things that doggies really hate. Really, really!

The other 10% probably hide because they are not feeling well. In that case, a Needleman visit is necessary. Mommy knows me well enough to see when something is wrong or if I'm just annoyed. Grrr!

Us doggies have psychic abilities and know intuitively when it's time to hide. Mommy first thought it was because I listened to certain words, but even without words, I know. Without actions too.

That means it's not bad timing that gets you caught, but the places you choose to hide are probably not the best. Under a blanket? Geez!

I have a few favorite hiding places that I found works well.

Best hiding places for dogs


1. Under the car



The best thing about under the car is that the human will not slide under there. They can't move the car either because you're under it. Their only option is to bribe you. We'll discuss bribing later.

2. At the back of your dog house


The dog house can be used in your defense strategy. It only has one entrance. Anyone that comes through that entrance will be destroyed by you and your razor-sharp teeth.


Buffy dog hiding in dog house.
Defending dog house entrance

Don't forget that you're an animal even though you are being treated like a cuddly teddy bear or a 2-year-old child. I'm not sure what level of crazy your human is on.

3. Under the bed


Bonus on this one! There might be shoes or other chewable stuff underneath the bed to help pass the time. You might be under there for a while. It's like the car but inside the house.

Hiding in a corner, behind the sofa or underneath a table are also acceptable hiding spots.

There are lots of other places to hide but make sure they all meet the following criteria.

Criteria for good hiding places

  • Should be low enough so that the human can't fit. 
  • Must be heavy enough so that it's hard to move. 
  • Must have the ability to allow you to defend the entry point.

Bribing


Once you've found the perfect hiding spot, the human will get desperate. This is when they'll introduce you to "the bribe".


What is bribing?


Bribing is when someone gives you something in exchange for your cooperation. Normally the other party (you) should not accept the bribe willingly unless it's worth your while.

The human will first take out your favorite toy. Oh please! The toy is always there. Hard pass! If you fall for the "here's your toy" trick then you need to rethink your life choices. Remember you control the human, not the other way around.

Next comes the treats aka yum-yums.

Unfortunately, 80% of doggies will crack in the first 1 to uhmm 10 min of smelling a treat. They are weak!

The rest will hold out for another 10 min and the remaining 1% will not fall for the bribe. My numbers might be off but I'm on a roll. So shhhh!!!


Bribing dog with treats.
Fluffy accepting bribes

I fall into the 1% group. I'm experienced at dog stuff and don't easily fall for human tricks. Unfortunately, I have a Renza as a mommy. 

She uses her evil manipulation skills on me. Or tries to. She's really mean, you guys!

Her favorite trick is to eat a big plate of food close to my hiding spot while pretending I'm not there. Omg! The horror!

To make things worse, Fluffy joins her. Double nerve! All I can do is watch at this point and rethink my strategy. 

Food is my kryptonite and mommy knows it. Fluffy eating without me is just wrong. Luckily Renza has done this before and I learned from it.

It might be hard to see yummy food being eaten in front of me but abandoning the mission is a no-no. Mommy is a weakling and I know sad eyes is all it takes to break her.

She'll eventually give up after I've eaten half her food without having to leave my hiding spot. Thanks for the yum-yums mommy! She's also lazy and that means I have an advantage over most dogs.

Fluffy has learned the 'hiding under the car' skill but she has a good recall and comes every time mommy says her name. No treats needed!

Don't worry! Fluffy is still young and have not endured all the annoying human behaviors long enough to get fed up yet.

But she's starting to see the truth and that always coming when being called is a bad idea. There's not always good stuff waiting at the other end. Luckily Fluff has me to show her the ropes.

Buffy and Fluffy dogs caught after hiding.

That's it, you guys. I hope you'll work hard at improving your hiding skills. If not, good luck to you and everything you will have to endure from your lack of skills.

Got to go now. I just heard the words "water" and "shampoo". That's my cue! Time to make myself invisible.

Woof! Woooooof!!

Author: Buffy
Job: Guard dog, part-time blogger, Alpha dog, part-time chef
Future plans: Be the cuddliest dog in the whole wide world
Likes: Playing, eating and sleeping
Dislikes: Grooming and food thieves

Pic credit: Pics of Buffy and Fluffy taken by Renza. Pixabay pics Renza edited.

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